Natural Family Planning International

The Need for Support by Heather Stein
   #7 in WBW series
I was fortunate to hear of Sheila Kippley’s book Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing before I was even married. Envisioning myself as a wife and mother, I enjoyed reading the book even though it would be a couple years before I could put the Seven Standards into practice. The concepts outlined in the book were so refreshing to hear and seemed so natural to me. From that point, I was committed to ecological breastfeeding…even though I hadn’t met my husband yet!

Soon after my husband Joel and I got married, we became pregnant. We were so excited. I read more about breastfeeding and attended a couple of La Leche League meetings. I was already anticipating the bonding with my child that I would experience through nursing.

I was induced early, at 36 weeks, due to complications. The labor and birth was not as I had imagined it (more complications), and the most difficult part was that our new baby, Lucia, had to be taken to the NICU right after birth. Exhausted from a long and difficult labor, groggy from medications, and feeling the pain of being away from my brand-new baby, I remember finally laying down in my postpartum room and wanting to do nothing but sleep. I saw the breast pump next to the bed and knew that I should start pumping as soon as possible so my preemie could begin receiving the benefits of my colostrum.

“Maybe I could just sleep a little,” I thought. No, I had no idea how long I’d be asleep, due to the exhaustion and the medications. I asked the nurse how soon I needed to begin pumping. She told me it was something like six or eight hours. I knew I needed to stay up and learn how to pump—I needed to do it for my little baby, who seemed so far away. The nurse helped me to pump and I think we managed to get a little colostrum. I was glad that I had stayed up, and soon fell asleep.

When I woke up in the morning, Joel and I went to the NICU to visit Lucia. She was premature, but probably the biggest baby there (6 lb., 10 oz.). She just needed a little breathing assistance—for a few days, at most. I was told that I could try to nurse her. I did try, but it was so hard to attempt under the harsh hospital lights, the impossibility of modest nursing in my hospital gown, and no privacy whatsoever. But she did nurse a little.

While there in the NICU, we reiterated our desire for Lucia to receive no formula, that we only wanted her to be given my milk. I remember the head nurse asking us why we wanted to “starve our baby.” It was obvious from the start that our nursing journey was going to be a tough one.

We were given instructions that if I wanted to nurse Lucia, we would have to adhere to the hospital’s strict three-hour feeding schedule. If we were late, she would be given a bottle. So, throughout that day, my husband and I traveled to the NICU (on a different floor in a different wing of the hospital), attempt to feed Lucia (I was only allowed to nurse her within a 30-minute window), go back to the postpartum room (where I then pumped), set the alarm for about an hour and a half later, took a nap, woke up, and then did it all over again. Our commitment to breastfeeding was met by the hospital staff with mainly bewilderment or even hostility.

However, in the middle of the night, we had a surprise. We were getting ready to make our way back to the nursery for another difficult nursing session when Lucia’s NICU nurse came in with Lucia in her bassinet. She had seen how badly I wanted to nurse Lucia and had gotten another nurse to cover for her while she brought Lucia to us. I still remember nursing Lucia that night. She nursed while I was laying in bed, with barely any lights. She latched on right away and we snuggled for quite a while. I’ll always be so grateful for what that nurse did for us!

The next day, Joel and I continued our ritual, sleeping for only one or two hours at a time. We met the attending doctor in the NICU, who saw our commitment to breastfeeding. He agreed to release Lucia from the NICU if she continued to do well that day.

Lucia was released that afternoon, and she stayed with us in my hospital room until we all went home the following day. Before we left, I met with a lactation consultant who was very helpful to us. We had gotten off to a rocky start, but things steadily improved once mom, dad, and baby were all together.

When we got home, things improved dramatically. My milk came in, Lucia learned how to latch on better, and I was much more relaxed. Lucia became quite the avid nurser! She is almost two years old now, and has grown so happy and healthy on mommy’s milk.

I’m very thankful that I had information and support for breastfeeding before Lucia was born. Without my convictions about nursing, I would have given up or caved under the pressure of the hospital staff. What helped me to persevere the most was knowing that God has a special plan for mothers and babies: ecological breastfeeding. What a beautiful plan it is!

Tomorrow: Another great story!

Sheila Kippley
Breastfeeding and Catholic Motherhood
Natural Family Planning (online)
www.nfpandmore.org

Ecological Breastfeeding: A Religious Search
   #6 in WBW series
I am a Catholic mom of two beautiful children. I have ecologically breastfed these children out of a desire God placed in my heart and not much more thought beyond that.
   I read Breastfeeding and Catholic Motherhood about a year ago and it brought so much peace as it reaffirmed my beliefs about the importance of this bond. Lately I have been trying to research my vocation as wife and mother so that I can cooperate fully with God in my vocation.
   I have been saddened by books by good Catholic authors, but they seem to be folks who have children sleeping through the night soon after birth, a modern common parenting theme. This seemed to influence their parenting advice which I didn’t feel fully comfortable with. In my continued research regarding my vocation I was excited to come across works on Theology of the Body and felt this should also be explored with regards to breastfeeding.
   I began to read some articles on this theology and ran across a stumbling block that caused me to research more. But after tears and frantic research, I pulled out Breastfeeding and Catholic Motherhood again and here Sheila so eloquently put into words all that God had led my heart to in my search to resolve this issue. And it seems to boil down to this: that an interpretation of the Theology of the Body which is not applied to Ecological Breastfeeding is certainly incomplete.

Tomorrow: The need for support.

Sheila Kippley
Breastfeeding and Catholic Motherhood
Natural Family Planning (online manual)
www.nfpandmore.org

      #5 in WBW series
Tuesday’s Child is Full of Grace by Michelle and Pete Pehoski

“Tuesday’s Child is Full of Grace.”  Of such is our son, Zebadiah Samuel Pehoski, born on Tuesday, February 25, 1997.  We had originally learned that line of the popular European nursery rhyme from our friendly German landlords early in our marriage. Pete was in the Air Force and we arrived in Germany shortly after our first daughter’s first birthday.  Our son, Joe, was born less than two years later and our family and parenting style were becoming well established.

Jessica was conceived soon after we were married. During pregnancy, I was determined to breastfeed, not only because of the money saved, but because of the example my own mother gave me.  She had breastfed the last two of her six children and thoroughly enjoyed it. Thanks to her, I discovered La Leche League and attachment parenting.  Jes nursed often at night and it was so much easier to have her in bed with us.  She was also a vocal, demanding child, needing to be close to Mom 24/7.  LLL helped us cope, to realize that it was OK to hold your baby, nurse often, and survive parenting without babysitters.  She was a difficult child but a more than ample introduction to attachment parenting and ecological breastfeeding.  To say we learned a lot from our first baby is an understatement.

Pete and I are proud of being independent, logical thinkers.  By the time Zeb, our fifth child was born, the family bed was the only way for our family to sleep.  Our previous 4 children had weaned, with Mom’s encouragement, between the ages of 2 ½ and 3 ½ years. It often took a year or more after that before they graduated to their own beds in a separate room.  Our babies were held close to Mom or Dad by using baby slings and back carriers.  Rarely were they out of our arms longer then twenty minutes, and they would not sleep for long periods unless our familiar warm bodies were close to theirs. Because of that close contact, it seemed only natural to use breastfeeding to space our babies.  When my cycles would return between 16 and 22 months postpartum, natural family planning easily took over as a healthy and rewarding alternative to artificial types of family planning. We also did not use babysitters until our preschoolers were comfortable with them.  We delayed and even eliminated some routine vaccinations, grew and raised most of our food organically, and were well into home schooling our older kids.  Our kids were rarely sick, even with routine colds or flu.  Zeb was the healthiest of them all. 

That is, until he was 13 months old, crawled out of Mom’s lap after nursing, laid down on the floor, then stopped breathing.  Yes, every parent’s nightmare.  We did the 911 call, ambulance ride, met Dad (who was at work) at the emergency room, and prayed that Grandma could keep the rest of the kids under control.  Within 24 hours we had moved into Milwaukee’s Ronald McDonald House and Zeb was a patient in the Pediatric Cardiology ICU of Milwaukee’s Children’s Hospital. We soon learned that Zeb was born with a badly deformed heart. It should have been detected at birth, or at well baby checks, but never was.  Simply put, two of the four vessels going to his heart were switched, causing inefficient functioning of his heart.  He also had a large hole between the upper chambers.  He underwent open heart surgery to fix what they could, heart/life support machine for a week, drug induced coma during that time, and then a permanent pacemaker installed.  Thanks to our family and many friend’s prayers and support, 3½ weeks later, we were all back home.  Zeb’s prognosis was iffy, but still positive.  And we settled back into our routine.

Children’s Hospital was wonderful with their support of breastfeeding and attachment parenting.  They even had a separate room called The Dairy with curtains and several different breast pumps.  As soon as he was taken off his coma-inducing drugs, Zeb was allowed to nurse whenever he wanted.  But more important than that, we were allowed to be with him at all times.  Zeb nursed when he had to but he preferred that Pete take care of him.  Zeb was Pete’s baby. 

After parenting 4 babies that wanted only breastfeeding and Mom, Zeb took to Pete almost from the moment he was born. After his hospitalization, this became even more pronounced.  Zeb slept next to Daddy at night and only rolled by Mommy when he needed to nurse. They both thrived on sleeping together, taking daily walks, watching Dad mow the lawn or rototilling the garden while being carried in Dad’s backpack. I say both because Pete grew up in a dysfunctional home.  Attachment parenting was a true blessing. It healed emotional and spiritual wounds that we didn’t even know were there.  It made Daddy a stronger parent but more importantly, it made him a healthier person. It also sustained both of them during the following, stormy 17 months.

In late October 1998, Zeb caught the common respiratory virus, RSV, which put him back in the ICU for five weeks.  Once again, he pulled through, but refused to go back to breastfeeding.  All he wanted was Dad to hold and sleep with him.  As soon as he was out of a hospital crib and into a regular hospital bed, that’s exactly what Dad did. And as Pete said, “To hell with hospital regs.  This is MY son.  Let them try and stop me.” They left Pete and Zeb alone.

When Zeb came back home, our large king sized family bed (bought in Germany before our second child was born) was Heaven to him.  Unlike any of our other kids, who always fought going to sleep, Zeb would literally laugh when we put him to bed.  He made it obvious what was most important to a two year old.  Always having a Daddy or Mommy next to him, especially at night. Nothing, literally nothing, made him happier.  He wanted to be at home, with Mommy or Daddy, with his loud, rambunctious siblings to watch and entertain him.  Number One was easily Daddy, especially in the dark night, his large arm wrapped around Zeb, keeping him warm and cozy.

I cannot imagine going through the same situation without the parenting style we had.

Zeb died in the family bed, next to Daddy, at 6:35 AM, on August 24, 1999.  He was one day short of 2½ years old, being diagnosed terminal only 3 weeks earlier.  He died on a Tuesday and took his Daddy’s heart with him.  ‘Tuesday’s Child is Full of Grace’. Thank you God for the love we were able to share in such a special way: spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.  And all of those because of the physical touch between parent and child that came to us so naturally.

Copyright © Michelle and Pete Pehoski.  Permission required for use.

Tomorrow: A Religious Search

Sheila Kippley
Breastfeeding and Catholic Motherhood
Natural Family Planning (online manual)
www.nfpandmore.org