Natural Family Planning International

A Foundation in Raising Children
Raising children is the most important work we do as parents.  Almost all of us want children who are physically, emotionally, and spiritually healthy.  Thus, our top priority as parents is to raise our children as best we can.

One of the concerns stressed at a brain-research conference I attended was that the kind of care you give to your children may come back to you.  It is these children who become teenagers and eventually may become our caregivers as we age.  They are the ones who will be in the voting booth deciding our future.

As one workshop speaker said:  What kind of care do you want in your last years?  Will your face be cleaned with a fresh washcloth or a soiled one?  Will your bedpan be empty or full?  Will you be spanked when you dribble accidentally?

If we want caring children who are also caring as adults, a helpful step to achieving that goal as parents, whether breastfeeding or not, is to nurture our babies well during the first three years of life.  I do not want to rule out the exceptions, the wonderful conversions that occur, but, by and large, the treatment children receive in their first three years has a great affect on their later lives.

A building needs a foundation.  Our children also need a foundation.  That foundation is built in the first three years of life.  Our job isn’t over after childbirth.  Nor is it over after they celebrate their third birthday.  But experts keep telling us that it’s what the mother (and soon the father) does during those early years that is so important and determines whether we give our children a healthy start or a troubling start in life.

Next week: The Research
Sheila Kippley

Lots of solutions are offered for crime prevention.  With the recent shootings in El Paso and Dayton, one solution I have not heard of is the mother-infant relationship during the early years of the infant’s life.  The next 4 blogs will be on that solution.

The study of a maximum-security prison:  I want to mention the work of Dr. Elliott Barker, a Canadian psychiatrist.  Dr. Barker worked with 300 of the most dangerous persons in Ontario.  They were at a maximum-security prison, all criminally insane.

He is convinced that criminal behavior is due to the lack of good care during the first three years of life.  He helped to form a group called the Canadian Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children because he believes that crime can be fought by promoting proper nurturing during the first three years of life.

According to Dr. Barker, the greatest cruelty that you can do to human beings is to harm them so emotionally that they can never form an affectionate relationship with another human being, that they can never trust another person, and that they can never have capacity for empathy.

Dr. Barker developed videos and teaching materials for the seventh, eighth, and ninth grades, a group he wanted to reach before they drop out of school.  What did he teach them?  That the most important job they will ever do as parents is to raise their children and that the times during pregnancy and the first three years of life are so important.  This is when the life-foundation is set.

Dr. Barker had a simple four-point program for crime prevention:
1) Mother, father, and baby have a positive birth experience.
2) The mother should breastfeed and continue to breastfeed as long as her baby wants it.
3) The parents should avoid separation from their baby because frequent changes in caregiving are bad for the baby.
4) Spacing between the births of babies is desirable.

Please note that I am not saying that even the best of mothering in the first three years will eliminate crime.  How we wish it would, but we remember that breastfed Cain murdered his breastfed brother, Abel.  However, society does need to listen to the psychiatrists who find themselves examining the first three years for the clues on how to raise normal children and to avoid raising future psychopaths.

Next week: A foundation in raising children
Sheila Kippley