(This is a continuation of the article last week.)
Self-centered or God-centered? Perhaps another meaning of the title question is this: is chaste systematic NFP a self-centered form of “Catholic birth control” or is it a truly Catholic and God-centered response to the very real needs of the family, the Church and society? Another way of putting the question is to ask whether the Church has any norms to be followed and, is so, what are they, and what constitutes the self-centered or God-centered use of NFP?
Vatican II’s document on The Church in the Modern World (Gaudium et Spes) has a ringing call to generosity in the service of life. “Marriage and conjugal love are by their nature ordained toward the begetting and educating of children. Children are really the supreme gift of marriage and contribute very substantially to the welfare of their parents” (n.50), and it continues from there. Sections 10 and 16 of Humanae Vitae speak about both the need to have sufficiently serious reasons to use NFP to avoid pregnancy and also about the sorts of reasons that justify its use.
The common presumption is that because chaste periodic abstinence is difficult, couples who practice true systematic NFP must have sufficiently serious reasons for doing so. Or at least they must think they have such reasons in order to abstain in the face of their normal inclinations to engage in the marriage act.
Do they in fact have sufficiently serious reasons? Truly, only God knows about any individual couple. Does the couple regard children as “the supreme gift of marriage” and as contributing “very substantially to the welfare of their parents”? Or do the spouses see additional children only as a liability? Do they pray about this decision or are they influenced primarily by secular concerns and their peers? Are they seeking to fulfill God’s plan for them? Are they being honest with themselves and with God? If they have a true surprise pregnancy, are they ready to accept and love that child as a special gift from the Lord?
Over the years I have learned that it is very easy to form rash judgments about couples who have families of various sizes. Of some couples, one is tempted to wonder why they don’t have more than two children only to find out later that the wife has a serious health problem and they were lucky to have the two. Of others one can be tempted to wonder why they have so many children. Haven’t they heard about NFP? And later you find out they know all about it, that they really love children, and that they have become Catholic providentialists. To them I want to say, be sure to do ecological breastfeeding so that you give your children the best start in life and also benefit from God’s own plan for spacing babies. It is one thing to have ten babies spaced over 20 – 25 years. It is something entirely different to have 10 babies in 11 years and still have another 10 or 15 years of fertility.
Ultimately, the proper use of systematic NFP is a matter of relationship with God and how one appreciates his gifts. Life is a gift, and gifts are to be shared. And yet there are times and circumstances when a couple can have sufficiently serious reasons to think that God is not calling them to invite another child into their family. For them, NFP is also a gift.
John F Kippley
NFP International
www.NFPandmore.org
Sex and the Marriage Covenant: A Basis for Morality