Natural Family Planning International

The best gift a mother can give a baby is her presence.  Some mothers have to work and they need our support.  If they can arrange to work part-time instead of full-time, that would be preferable. Some mothers, even doctors, have made arrangements so that their baby can be with them at work.  That also is preferable.

John Paul II addressed this issue several times.

In “Women, Wives, and Mothers (Familia et Vita, January 1995), he said:  “Women can never be replaced in begetting and rearing children…Women as mothers have an irreplaceable role.”

In Human Work (1981), John Paul II wrote:  “To take up paid work outside the home is wrong from the point of view of the good of society and of the family when it contradicts or hinders these primary goals of the mission of a mother.”  Again he said: “Mothers have an irreplaceable role.”

In The Gospel of Life (1995), he called mothers who care for their children daily heroes, brave, and heroic.

At a scientific meeting at the Vatican on breastfeeding (May 12, 1995), he stated:  “No one can substitute for the mother in this natural activity.”  And “this natural activity benefits the child and helps to create the closeness and maternal bonding so necessary for healthy child development…So vital is this interaction between mother and child that my predecessor Pope Pius XII urged Catholic mothers, if at all possible, to nourish their children themselves (Allocution to Mothers, Oct. 26, 1941).”

The pressure for the mother to work comes from TV, newspapers, government, children’s books, movies, schools, universities, and even husbands.  Our culture assumes a new mother will go back to work after childbirth, and she usually has to leave her baby to do so.

Reasons given are some of the following:
Women should not waste their college education.
Women find work outside the home more attractive and more affirming.
Mothers say they would be bored to be home full-time with their children.
Everyone else is doing it.
My husband wants me to work.
My boss doesn’t want me to leave.
I make more money than my husband.
I have a prior commitment.
I work so I can help my children with college.

It is very difficult for a mother to find support for her decision to stay home with her little ones.  One parish had a mother’s meeting once a week for new moms, and those mothers continued meeting in their homes later because they had formed close friendships.  One Canadian friend had a rule that her children could never babysit a baby under a year old.  She did not want her children to be there if a baby choked on food or something terrible happened to a young baby.  We adopted this rule also because we believed that mothers should take a young baby with them.

My sister once asked me if I ever told my children how lucky they were to have a mother who stayed home.  I had never thought to do that!  One might look for opportunities to compliment any mother who stays home with her children.  Or look for ways to be there to support or help them.  If an all-girl high school has career day, encourage them to also include a talk on the importance of being a mother.  The mother who breastfeeds is also less likely to take a long vacation or weekend away from her baby; she will take her baby with her or not go.  Breastfeeding does have a big influence on mothering!

Sheila Kippley
The Crucial First Three Years

There are mothers who have to work outside the home and they need our support.  Unfortunately, work is one of the main reasons that mothers wean their babies.  It is frequently too inconvenient to pump and store their milk while working.  If determined, however, these working mothers can exclusively breastfeed and keep up the nursing when home.
And the opposite can occur: some mothers get support to stay near their baby but aren’t interested.  I know one husband who arranged for his wife to work where daycare was provided just down the hall, but she was not interested in that arrangement.  The husband said his children’s biggest and only complaint about their mother was that they hated daycare during their younger years.

Other mothers who do not really have to work are pressured to go to work by their husbands, relatives, or society, and some government programs encourage mothers not to work through entitlements.  The government pays them not to work.  As was reported in our newspaper recently, one husband said his wife is not looking for a job  because she gets $400 a week from the government for not working.

Another mother was quoted as saying that she works because she would be bored if she stayed home with her kids all day.  That quote says something about our society and educational system and the value we placed on raising our own children.  At high school career day, students would be lucky to find a session on mothering or on fathering on such days.   Parenting sessions usually don’t happen.

I believe that any form of substitute care is never as good as a caring mother in a normal family situation.  We know many homeschool mothers do well keeping their children at home.  There was pressure in the Sixties to use pre-school.  One mother once was so impressed with our 4 or 5 year old that she asked me what preschool I used.  I told her “none”—just home.  The answer took her by surprise.  I remember one Protestant friend who was fighting her church’s new offering of daycare for working mothers on the church grounds.  Why?  It implied that working mothers were approved by her church, and that she feared more mothers with young ones would start to work because of it.

For those mothers needing support to stay home or arrange work so they can be with their baby or little one, read my booklet The Crucial First Three Years and the blogs on “mother and baby as one.” (After clicking, scroll down pass this article.)

Lucky the baby who breastfeeds for at least the first year of life or longer and who has a mother and a father who cares for him during those important early years.

Sheila Kippley
The Crucial First Three Years
Breastfeeding and Catholic Motherhood